July 29, 11:36 p.m., Cicero police officer Douglas Pennock asked Sgt. Andrew Scherer, working in the evidence room, if he was expecting anyone—he had noticed someone at the back door. When Pennock opened the door to see if he could help, the stranger, an Army specialist just a month back from a 15 month tour in Afghanistan, raised a high caliber, semi-automatic assault rifle at the officer.
“’I can’t tell you the number of officers I’ve seen who probably would’ve shot this guy,’ said William Gaut, a former commander of detective in the Birmingham, Alabama, Police Department and a nationally recognized expert in law enforcement procedures,” adding that the officers “would have been justified…if they’d shot,” reported Hart Seely and John O’Brien, staff writers for “The Post Standard.” Instead, Pennock covered himself by partly closing the metal door, asked loudly about the rifle to alert Scherer, and talked the troubled veteran into surrendering the weapon. “Pennock did everything right,” concluded Gaut, adding that the officer deserved a medal.
Certainly people have the right to defend themselves, nor should firing on another person be characterized as easy, but taking the shot would have been the easy way out—facing down the assault rifle took far more courage, quick thinking, and good judgment. A local police spokesman, appearing at a public meeting about some recent burglaries, advised homeowners suspecting an intruder to “just get out—we can replace everything but people.”
A few years ago, I saw a piece aired by a television reporter embedded in a unit in Iraq. An experienced newsman long used to careful observation, he quickly noted that the village his unit was to patrol was uneasy—a rumor had spread that the Americans were on their way to attack the village mosque, and agitated Iraqi citizens were rapidly preparing some sort of defense. The colonel in charge of this unit, however, was faster. Just as the reporter realized what was happening, the colonel commanded in a calm, clear, but firm voice, “Everybody on one knee. Weapons down.” Instantly the unit dropped, rifle muzzles resting on the ground, held at 45 degree angles from the soldiers. “Everybody wave,” the colonel continued immediately, pacing calmly up and down the ranks to ensure compliance. “Nice and slow. Big smile. BIG SMILES. Wave. We’re all friends here. Everybody’s friendly.” And so it continued for several minutes while the situation gradually diffused. This could have been a massacre instead, even if in self-defense, but for a smart, quick-thinking commander.
I’m amazed and troubled by the number of people I hear bragging they’d fire first and question later, even if that meant killing some neighborhood teen breaking in on a dare. That’ll teach him—and save the television. Technically justified, but hardly good judgment, and hardly a demonstration of courage or honor. Shooting is just easier.
And people argue the same for national issues. Just attack! America doesn’t take that! Damn the consequences. One student, studying Tim O’Brien’s “The Things They Carried,” responded to the story’s account of a Vietnam village leveled in retaliation for a comrade’s death, “Well hell! They shot one of their guys!” It’s a frightening simplification, and a distortion of true courage and honor. [I had to end a relationship with a girlfriend, a Navy veteran, whose response to the Abu Ghraib abuse scandal was, “They’d do it to us—we should do it the them!” The same woman jumped for joy when her ex-husband was called up for Iraq, saying, “Let HIM get killed by a roadside bomb!”]
What is it about power that makes people in a hurry to use it? One karate instructor who ran a dojo franchise bragged about beating up a guy attempting to break into his car, hitting him, then again, and when he still didn’t fall, again…I found a new dojo.
“Everybody wonders at some point what would happen if they ever got a chance to use their martial arts skills,” notes one Aikido expert in an article I saw several years ago. He got his chance one day on the subway—a crazed Japanese gunman threatened the car load of passengers. But as he rose to confront the attacker, an elderly Japanese man calmly beat him to it, just talking to him. “At least you get it!” screamed the attacker. “You’re Japanese—you understand.” The story goes on, but it ends several minutes later with the attacker sobbing in the lap of the elderly man.
“That day,” recounts the Aikido expert, “I learned about true mastery.”
Writer
Sunday, August 5, 2007
Friday, August 3, 2007
Why I Stopped Consulting
When I left my last management position some years ago, I had certainly covered a lot of ground, working in that capacity for a range of private, government, and non-profit organizations. I had bookshelves lined with a progression of management books, and since I had seen theory after theory gain popularity only to die at the hands of the next, I focused my career on approaches producing reliably demonstrative results—and successfully so, especially how to effectively build cultures to boost productivity, morale, superior customer satisfaction and bottom-line results for stakeholders.
So, knowing I was walking into an already overpopulated field, I became a consultant, differentiating my business by serving small businesses normally unable to afford consultants. My fees would be created by eliminating the inefficiencies attributable in part to labor relations and inadequate business plans, drawing on work from Drucker to Oncken along with my own practical experience.
To publicize my new endeavor, I offered to write a regular column for local newspaper’s business page, much to the delight of the editor, and then to readers. Business was good.
And not. I was perfectly happy to offer free initial visits and consultations (probably a must given my clientele anyway), considering it research as much as business opportunity, but many of these were completely outside of anything my services could address. My favorite is the auto parts store owner who decided to buy an abandoned warehouse and build a skating rink. Interesting idea, really—skating all through these rooms. He wanted me to consult about layout. I had no experience to offer him, and said so, but still took a look out of curiosity. He did volunteer that he was leaving management of the auto parts store to his daughter while he focused on his new venture. I offered my more applicable services there, but he wasn’t interested. The enterprise folded a few years later (I don’t know for what reason).
Lots of encounters mirrored this experience. In particular, people wanted anything but what I offered, not recognizing its importance—part of why so many businesses do those things so poorly. Most people know the statistics—4 out of 5 small businesses fail—but all too often blame the economy, the business climate, taxes, energy costs and so forth (all admittedly factors) without considering the most obvious, consistent reason—people make poor decisions.
This was the problem with my own business model. I assumed people would want to maximize profit (while earning a living in a reasonably enjoyable and purposeful work environment). Larger businesses are forced to adhere to such economic models (or at least pay some reasonable amount of attention to them), but ego and personality plays a far larger role than economics addresses. Small businesses are more likely to do things just because they want to do them, whether an odd location, a hobby commercialized regardless of markets, or brief hours serving the owner instead of the customer.
Further, however nicely I explained it, however lightly I tread, however much I noted that even Michael Jordan has a coach, another set of eyes, the simple reality of consulting is this—some smart ass who just walked in is going to tell you how to run the business you’ve spent years building. Sure, you called the consultant, and because you can see you have problems you can’t solve alone, but still, mainly you just want to be right, and to make the best use of consulting services, you have to be wrong. Ticklish indeed. The extreme, though, was the Brooklyn Pickle.
This popular sandwich/soup shop, located in the next county, was a referral. As I usually did, I stopped by unannounced and anonymous before meeting the owner, bought a sandwich, sat down and just watched, making notes. Several points were obvious—customers waited in a long line before splitting to order from two sandwich lines, then served by a single person who both made the sandwich fresh and walked back to serve up soup. Chips and drink coolers lined the walls of the dining area—these could be moved along the line of waiting customers, or an employee could be taking orders and fetching them. Lunch crowds don’t like to wait, as they have little time, and this could increase sales too. More importantly, EVERY server along both serving lines had to wait to conclude each sale until a single manager could ring up the sale—a major bottleneck.
Many areas of the business were quite good—the product was both excellent and differentiated. Both sandwiches and soups were delicious, always fresh, and featured “country style” with large chunks of veggies instead of the finely processed offering elsewhere. Further, offices or other groups could order six foot long subs, featuring multiple types of meat, protected with long, colorful toothpicks for easy carving, and presented in a sturdy, well designed box—delivered, of course. Lots of good material here.
Best of all, the owner wanted help to address EXACTLY what my services primarily offered—he trained employees one way, but turned around and they disregarded their training, despite repeated redirection. A personnel culture issue. The owner was going on vacation for a few weeks, but we arranged a meeting for the day he returned.
On that day, I arrived early, met the managers (who were expecting me) and spent considerable time chatting with various employees as I wandered through the operation. When the owner arrived late in the morning, we introduced ourselves, exchanged brief small talk, and he offered, “We’re having a staff meeting in 15 minutes. Would you like to come?” Indeed I would! Perfect start. We gathered.
“Hi everybody!” he announced. “First, I want to thank you all. I had an absolutely delightful time in London and Paris. It’s been a lifelong dream of mine to go, and thanks to all of you, I was able to fulfill that dream!” Then on to business.
Yikes. Work hard, and one day this will all be mine. No wonder my notes were filled with accounts of seemingly hard working people who were very unhappy, including several who said, “I hope you can help us.” I didn’t feel any better about the situation when the owner welcomed me into his office, shut the door, and offered me a chair. “I just don’t get these people,” he started. “I do so much for them, and they just don’t appreciate it. Take today—I left a cake for them in the break room!” This was not going to be an easy job; the problem started at the top.
“Well, anyway…” he went on, describing in detail his problems, all of which revolved around uncooperative employees. He needed my help getting them to behave as trained. After all, he walked around, yelling at anyone not doing things exactly his way, but still they didn’t learn!
Then he leaned back, folded his arms, and proclaimed not unkindly if certainly firmly, “But before I can employ your services, I need to be convinced. How do I know you can help me? Why should I hire you?”
“Well, first, thank you for showing me your operation and giving me the opportunity to look around and talk to your staff.” He nodded in acknowledgement of the courtesy. “But Sir, frankly, I don’t think you should hire me. I don’t think I can help you. I’m very sorry.” One hard learned lesson I had forged from past experience is when not to waste time on a dead end.
He sat up straight, eyes sparkling. I had caught him completely off-guard. He was intrigued. We chatted at length, and now, largely out of curiosity I suspect, he offered me a several week deal. Greatly against my better judgment, and largely because I thought what a coup it would be to turn around such a difficult case, I accepted his proposition.
Thus started a few months of hell. He completely rejected my concerns about the logistics, arguing that “people expect to see me in the center of things at the cash register.” His employee problems stemmed from strict expectations, with no rewards for doing them, but scoldings for violating them, so people naturally just learned to avoid him, inventing and taking their own shortcuts, policy be damned. The epitome of this travesty was a long time employee he complained about the most—whose past long term job was at Disney. Now, few if any organizations train better than Disney. This was just the largest of the red flags.
I wrote a preliminary report, including that as things stood, I didn’t think the problem could be solved. Not only did it flow from the top, but also he had appointed one hard working but young and inexperienced kid as a manager. Not surprisingly, power went to the kid’s head, adding a fresh layer of hatred to an already bad situation. I added several recommendations and their rationales.
We met a few weeks later. “I went over your report,” he said. “Much of it was very hard to hear.” I nodded gently, knowing it had to have been. “I even went over it with a close business friend. He noted, ‘I can see where he’s coming from, but…’” and so forth, ultimately opting for the status quo. “So really, you’ve failed,” he proclaimed. No argument there. I suggested we settle up.
Instead, he asked me to do one more thing for him. Since I was clearly able to get people to open up and talk freely, and since he wanted to know what was really going on with his staff, he asked me to undertake a series of official interviews. I agreed, on the grounds that each interview would remain anonymous, and that I would summarize the findings as the group’s feelings. He agreed, and I proceeded.
In fact, I liked this arrangement. He was right—I WAS good at this sort of thing, and it could potentially help improve the labor climate. I enjoyed the interviews. Enter a new snag, however. The kid manager, perceiving me as a threat to his position (probably correctly), could never spare the two key employees (including the ex-Disney worker), the “ring leaders” of the opposition to management, so I never got to interview them. Finally, I gave up and completed the report without them. I sent it, along with my bill.
The owner responded with a few notes, emphasizing that since I hadn’t interviewed the key employees, the report held limited value. No kidding. But he also included a check, paying the account in full.
I decided there were more satisfying ways to earn a living.
Writer
So, knowing I was walking into an already overpopulated field, I became a consultant, differentiating my business by serving small businesses normally unable to afford consultants. My fees would be created by eliminating the inefficiencies attributable in part to labor relations and inadequate business plans, drawing on work from Drucker to Oncken along with my own practical experience.
To publicize my new endeavor, I offered to write a regular column for local newspaper’s business page, much to the delight of the editor, and then to readers. Business was good.
And not. I was perfectly happy to offer free initial visits and consultations (probably a must given my clientele anyway), considering it research as much as business opportunity, but many of these were completely outside of anything my services could address. My favorite is the auto parts store owner who decided to buy an abandoned warehouse and build a skating rink. Interesting idea, really—skating all through these rooms. He wanted me to consult about layout. I had no experience to offer him, and said so, but still took a look out of curiosity. He did volunteer that he was leaving management of the auto parts store to his daughter while he focused on his new venture. I offered my more applicable services there, but he wasn’t interested. The enterprise folded a few years later (I don’t know for what reason).
Lots of encounters mirrored this experience. In particular, people wanted anything but what I offered, not recognizing its importance—part of why so many businesses do those things so poorly. Most people know the statistics—4 out of 5 small businesses fail—but all too often blame the economy, the business climate, taxes, energy costs and so forth (all admittedly factors) without considering the most obvious, consistent reason—people make poor decisions.
This was the problem with my own business model. I assumed people would want to maximize profit (while earning a living in a reasonably enjoyable and purposeful work environment). Larger businesses are forced to adhere to such economic models (or at least pay some reasonable amount of attention to them), but ego and personality plays a far larger role than economics addresses. Small businesses are more likely to do things just because they want to do them, whether an odd location, a hobby commercialized regardless of markets, or brief hours serving the owner instead of the customer.
Further, however nicely I explained it, however lightly I tread, however much I noted that even Michael Jordan has a coach, another set of eyes, the simple reality of consulting is this—some smart ass who just walked in is going to tell you how to run the business you’ve spent years building. Sure, you called the consultant, and because you can see you have problems you can’t solve alone, but still, mainly you just want to be right, and to make the best use of consulting services, you have to be wrong. Ticklish indeed. The extreme, though, was the Brooklyn Pickle.
This popular sandwich/soup shop, located in the next county, was a referral. As I usually did, I stopped by unannounced and anonymous before meeting the owner, bought a sandwich, sat down and just watched, making notes. Several points were obvious—customers waited in a long line before splitting to order from two sandwich lines, then served by a single person who both made the sandwich fresh and walked back to serve up soup. Chips and drink coolers lined the walls of the dining area—these could be moved along the line of waiting customers, or an employee could be taking orders and fetching them. Lunch crowds don’t like to wait, as they have little time, and this could increase sales too. More importantly, EVERY server along both serving lines had to wait to conclude each sale until a single manager could ring up the sale—a major bottleneck.
Many areas of the business were quite good—the product was both excellent and differentiated. Both sandwiches and soups were delicious, always fresh, and featured “country style” with large chunks of veggies instead of the finely processed offering elsewhere. Further, offices or other groups could order six foot long subs, featuring multiple types of meat, protected with long, colorful toothpicks for easy carving, and presented in a sturdy, well designed box—delivered, of course. Lots of good material here.
Best of all, the owner wanted help to address EXACTLY what my services primarily offered—he trained employees one way, but turned around and they disregarded their training, despite repeated redirection. A personnel culture issue. The owner was going on vacation for a few weeks, but we arranged a meeting for the day he returned.
On that day, I arrived early, met the managers (who were expecting me) and spent considerable time chatting with various employees as I wandered through the operation. When the owner arrived late in the morning, we introduced ourselves, exchanged brief small talk, and he offered, “We’re having a staff meeting in 15 minutes. Would you like to come?” Indeed I would! Perfect start. We gathered.
“Hi everybody!” he announced. “First, I want to thank you all. I had an absolutely delightful time in London and Paris. It’s been a lifelong dream of mine to go, and thanks to all of you, I was able to fulfill that dream!” Then on to business.
Yikes. Work hard, and one day this will all be mine. No wonder my notes were filled with accounts of seemingly hard working people who were very unhappy, including several who said, “I hope you can help us.” I didn’t feel any better about the situation when the owner welcomed me into his office, shut the door, and offered me a chair. “I just don’t get these people,” he started. “I do so much for them, and they just don’t appreciate it. Take today—I left a cake for them in the break room!” This was not going to be an easy job; the problem started at the top.
“Well, anyway…” he went on, describing in detail his problems, all of which revolved around uncooperative employees. He needed my help getting them to behave as trained. After all, he walked around, yelling at anyone not doing things exactly his way, but still they didn’t learn!
Then he leaned back, folded his arms, and proclaimed not unkindly if certainly firmly, “But before I can employ your services, I need to be convinced. How do I know you can help me? Why should I hire you?”
“Well, first, thank you for showing me your operation and giving me the opportunity to look around and talk to your staff.” He nodded in acknowledgement of the courtesy. “But Sir, frankly, I don’t think you should hire me. I don’t think I can help you. I’m very sorry.” One hard learned lesson I had forged from past experience is when not to waste time on a dead end.
He sat up straight, eyes sparkling. I had caught him completely off-guard. He was intrigued. We chatted at length, and now, largely out of curiosity I suspect, he offered me a several week deal. Greatly against my better judgment, and largely because I thought what a coup it would be to turn around such a difficult case, I accepted his proposition.
Thus started a few months of hell. He completely rejected my concerns about the logistics, arguing that “people expect to see me in the center of things at the cash register.” His employee problems stemmed from strict expectations, with no rewards for doing them, but scoldings for violating them, so people naturally just learned to avoid him, inventing and taking their own shortcuts, policy be damned. The epitome of this travesty was a long time employee he complained about the most—whose past long term job was at Disney. Now, few if any organizations train better than Disney. This was just the largest of the red flags.
I wrote a preliminary report, including that as things stood, I didn’t think the problem could be solved. Not only did it flow from the top, but also he had appointed one hard working but young and inexperienced kid as a manager. Not surprisingly, power went to the kid’s head, adding a fresh layer of hatred to an already bad situation. I added several recommendations and their rationales.
We met a few weeks later. “I went over your report,” he said. “Much of it was very hard to hear.” I nodded gently, knowing it had to have been. “I even went over it with a close business friend. He noted, ‘I can see where he’s coming from, but…’” and so forth, ultimately opting for the status quo. “So really, you’ve failed,” he proclaimed. No argument there. I suggested we settle up.
Instead, he asked me to do one more thing for him. Since I was clearly able to get people to open up and talk freely, and since he wanted to know what was really going on with his staff, he asked me to undertake a series of official interviews. I agreed, on the grounds that each interview would remain anonymous, and that I would summarize the findings as the group’s feelings. He agreed, and I proceeded.
In fact, I liked this arrangement. He was right—I WAS good at this sort of thing, and it could potentially help improve the labor climate. I enjoyed the interviews. Enter a new snag, however. The kid manager, perceiving me as a threat to his position (probably correctly), could never spare the two key employees (including the ex-Disney worker), the “ring leaders” of the opposition to management, so I never got to interview them. Finally, I gave up and completed the report without them. I sent it, along with my bill.
The owner responded with a few notes, emphasizing that since I hadn’t interviewed the key employees, the report held limited value. No kidding. But he also included a check, paying the account in full.
I decided there were more satisfying ways to earn a living.
Writer
Thursday, August 2, 2007
Two Doors Down
A few mornings ago, my husky mix, Shanti, broke her lead while I was at work and went for a run around my country neighborhood. When I returned home at 11:30 a.m. that morning and saw the broken lead (she has the sweep of the yard and several trees with 60’ of lead), I immediately rushed inside to see if anyone had called. Indeed, yes—a new neighbor who lived just two doors down.
“I have your dog,” she began, “A white dog? She was running all over the place. Anyway, I’ve got her tied up next to the barn, but I’m going out of town around noon, and I don’t want to leave her tied up, so I don’t know what to do if I don’t hear from you. I guess I’ll call the dog warden.”
I hurriedly called the number she left. “I’m sorry,” said the computer generated voice, “but this party isn’t accepting calls from private numbers.” I can never remember the code to fix that, so I just jumped in the car and rushed over there (about 600 feet).
No car. No dog. No answer at the door—although HER dog came rushing to bark at the door, and a cat snaked its way around the porch.
Back home, I called the dog pound, euphemistically called “Wanderer’s Rest,” 20 minutes away. They weren’t open—open at noon. I left a message. I waited, anxiously. I called back at noon. Busy. I called again. Busy. Around 12:30, I finally got a human, and poured into my story, looking for my dog.
“Yes, she’s here,” I heard—and then a flurry of questions to make sure she’s REALLY my dog. I answered the questions, explained again, and pointed out, “She’s wearing an ID tag with my name, address, and phone, a rabies tag with the vet’s name and number, and a tag identifying her chip number—she’s got an ID chip,” I add, just remembering.
“Well, we scanned her twice,” explained the voice, adding blithely, “Maybe we’re not doing it right.” Yeah. Maybe.
“We just need proof of her rabies vaccination, license, and a fee for her boarding.” Huh?
“OK, just call the vet (I had the number) and the town clerk and they can verify that.” Oh no. They needed documents. I protested.
“The vet can fax the certificate,” mandated the voice. “Fine,” I answered, “But I’m not sure about the town clerk—she’s only there a few hours each week.”
“Well,” came the reply, “We’ll hold Shanti here until you can get that.” I struggled to control my temper and got their fax number.
Fortunately, the town clerk DID have hours starting at 1:00 (although she was 15 minutes late that afternoon, and then had 15 minutes worth of trouble logging into her software for the dog licensing information).
The meeting at Wanderer’s Rest was terse. The woman at the desk pulled out my paperwork—complete with name, address, phone, all completed by the dog warden, noting “Time of seizure—9:15. Chasing livestock. Unlicensed. Violation of leash law.”
So much for noon. Chasing livestock? They have one horse, and it wasn’t there, presumably boarded while they’re out of town. She was licensed. She was also trailing 18’ of vinyl coated airline cable lead. Official lies.
But we live TWO DOORS DOWN. Why not simply take her back and tie her up? It’s obvious where she got loose via the broken cable, she has trees for shade, she has water—what’s the problem? I’ve certainly done this for neighbor’s dogs—and even for the one neighbor who refuses to control his dog, a chocolate lab, I just taught the dog myself to sit, stay, etc. I could have called the dog warden several times, but why punish the dog? What would that prove?
Shanti had a cream colored stain on her snout. “Oh, we give all new dogs worming medicine,” volunteered the shelter worker, noticing my examination. They had also removed her collar and had to go fetch it. She wasn’t the same dog for a day and a half.
So let’s review. Everyone knew where the dog lived. Everyone knew she had been loose unintentionally. Everyone knew who owned her. Everyone knew she had a current rabies vaccine (in New York State, rabies tags change shape and color every year). Yet, the dog warden drove to my neighbor’s house, drove 20 minutes to the shelter, filled out paperwork, drove back. The shelter workers “processed” her, including administering unnecessary medication (remember, they had my vet’s number on her tags, and anyone at the vet’s office could readily identify this dog). Then there’s the wasted time expected of my vet, the town clerk—not to mention the work time I lost.
All over a dog everyone knew lived 600 feet away.
Writer
“I have your dog,” she began, “A white dog? She was running all over the place. Anyway, I’ve got her tied up next to the barn, but I’m going out of town around noon, and I don’t want to leave her tied up, so I don’t know what to do if I don’t hear from you. I guess I’ll call the dog warden.”
I hurriedly called the number she left. “I’m sorry,” said the computer generated voice, “but this party isn’t accepting calls from private numbers.” I can never remember the code to fix that, so I just jumped in the car and rushed over there (about 600 feet).
No car. No dog. No answer at the door—although HER dog came rushing to bark at the door, and a cat snaked its way around the porch.
Back home, I called the dog pound, euphemistically called “Wanderer’s Rest,” 20 minutes away. They weren’t open—open at noon. I left a message. I waited, anxiously. I called back at noon. Busy. I called again. Busy. Around 12:30, I finally got a human, and poured into my story, looking for my dog.
“Yes, she’s here,” I heard—and then a flurry of questions to make sure she’s REALLY my dog. I answered the questions, explained again, and pointed out, “She’s wearing an ID tag with my name, address, and phone, a rabies tag with the vet’s name and number, and a tag identifying her chip number—she’s got an ID chip,” I add, just remembering.
“Well, we scanned her twice,” explained the voice, adding blithely, “Maybe we’re not doing it right.” Yeah. Maybe.
“We just need proof of her rabies vaccination, license, and a fee for her boarding.” Huh?
“OK, just call the vet (I had the number) and the town clerk and they can verify that.” Oh no. They needed documents. I protested.
“The vet can fax the certificate,” mandated the voice. “Fine,” I answered, “But I’m not sure about the town clerk—she’s only there a few hours each week.”
“Well,” came the reply, “We’ll hold Shanti here until you can get that.” I struggled to control my temper and got their fax number.
Fortunately, the town clerk DID have hours starting at 1:00 (although she was 15 minutes late that afternoon, and then had 15 minutes worth of trouble logging into her software for the dog licensing information).
The meeting at Wanderer’s Rest was terse. The woman at the desk pulled out my paperwork—complete with name, address, phone, all completed by the dog warden, noting “Time of seizure—9:15. Chasing livestock. Unlicensed. Violation of leash law.”
So much for noon. Chasing livestock? They have one horse, and it wasn’t there, presumably boarded while they’re out of town. She was licensed. She was also trailing 18’ of vinyl coated airline cable lead. Official lies.
But we live TWO DOORS DOWN. Why not simply take her back and tie her up? It’s obvious where she got loose via the broken cable, she has trees for shade, she has water—what’s the problem? I’ve certainly done this for neighbor’s dogs—and even for the one neighbor who refuses to control his dog, a chocolate lab, I just taught the dog myself to sit, stay, etc. I could have called the dog warden several times, but why punish the dog? What would that prove?
Shanti had a cream colored stain on her snout. “Oh, we give all new dogs worming medicine,” volunteered the shelter worker, noticing my examination. They had also removed her collar and had to go fetch it. She wasn’t the same dog for a day and a half.
So let’s review. Everyone knew where the dog lived. Everyone knew she had been loose unintentionally. Everyone knew who owned her. Everyone knew she had a current rabies vaccine (in New York State, rabies tags change shape and color every year). Yet, the dog warden drove to my neighbor’s house, drove 20 minutes to the shelter, filled out paperwork, drove back. The shelter workers “processed” her, including administering unnecessary medication (remember, they had my vet’s number on her tags, and anyone at the vet’s office could readily identify this dog). Then there’s the wasted time expected of my vet, the town clerk—not to mention the work time I lost.
All over a dog everyone knew lived 600 feet away.
Writer
Sunday, July 29, 2007
Numb Burrs
Numbers are tricky, as Pythagoreans warned two millennia ago, discovering nasty snags like irrational numbers—π, the square root of two and other values represented in the physical world but occupying the infinite world in their mathematical incarnations. Add the shifting, imprecise nature of language in sound and written form to this, and indeed the mind will feel numb-er.
Consider all the people looking to find “the One.” Why? So they can be a couple. And what do those two want in their pairing? For their partners to see them as special and unique. No wonder that Three Dog Night sang “One is the loneliest number,” but “Two can be as bad as one—it’s the loneliest number since the number one.”
In her film “Home of the Brave,” performance artist/musician Laurie Anderson complains that “a couple of numbers have been bothering [her] lately—zero and one.” She describes a zero as “a nobody, a has-been, a clod,” while “Everybody wants to be number one!” The trouble, she notes, “is that these two numbers are just too close. Leaves no room in there for everybody else.”
Indeed. Spaces between numbers require fractions. Who wants to be fragmented? We can try to circumvent this with decimals, but first, circumventing gets us back to circles and that messy π, and second, no one wants to be decimated either.
Some number spaces allow these finer distinctions, however. Eight can be modified, for example, as fascin-eight, liber-eight, substanti-eight, moder-eight, negoti-eight and so forth, giving us back important lost words like fascin, liber, substanti, moder, and negoti (I especially like that last one).
The first seven numbers are sacred—The Seven Wonders of the World, The Seven Seas, Seven Brides for Seven Brothers, The Magnificent Seven and more. The fulcrum of these first numbers, number four, gives a hint about the leap in meaning to come with meta-four, but only when doubled, at eight, does the richer meaning evolve.
That richer meaning stops at ten, since from there on numbers are already doubled in terms of digits, but it continues with number nine—qui-nine and assin-nine, for example. Qui, interestingly, isn’t an English word, but it IS part of an English idiom, “on the qui vive,” meaning alert, vigilant, lively attentive—but it also contains two French words. So ironically, to “Be on the qui vive for terrorists” REQUIRES help from the French--a political complication likely to be a burr under Conservative hardliners’ saddles (“I’ve got spurs that jingo jangle”).
Other words offer hints to their occult meanings as well—assassin, for example, as in "to assas" is a SIN (assas-sin). [Interestingly, Assas is a village in--you guessed it—southern FRANCE.] However, add a number, assassin-eight, and the sin is buried behind the number. Perhaps numbers do offer some safety?
Unless you’re the One being eighty-sixed.
Writer
Consider all the people looking to find “the One.” Why? So they can be a couple. And what do those two want in their pairing? For their partners to see them as special and unique. No wonder that Three Dog Night sang “One is the loneliest number,” but “Two can be as bad as one—it’s the loneliest number since the number one.”
In her film “Home of the Brave,” performance artist/musician Laurie Anderson complains that “a couple of numbers have been bothering [her] lately—zero and one.” She describes a zero as “a nobody, a has-been, a clod,” while “Everybody wants to be number one!” The trouble, she notes, “is that these two numbers are just too close. Leaves no room in there for everybody else.”
Indeed. Spaces between numbers require fractions. Who wants to be fragmented? We can try to circumvent this with decimals, but first, circumventing gets us back to circles and that messy π, and second, no one wants to be decimated either.
Some number spaces allow these finer distinctions, however. Eight can be modified, for example, as fascin-eight, liber-eight, substanti-eight, moder-eight, negoti-eight and so forth, giving us back important lost words like fascin, liber, substanti, moder, and negoti (I especially like that last one).
The first seven numbers are sacred—The Seven Wonders of the World, The Seven Seas, Seven Brides for Seven Brothers, The Magnificent Seven and more. The fulcrum of these first numbers, number four, gives a hint about the leap in meaning to come with meta-four, but only when doubled, at eight, does the richer meaning evolve.
That richer meaning stops at ten, since from there on numbers are already doubled in terms of digits, but it continues with number nine—qui-nine and assin-nine, for example. Qui, interestingly, isn’t an English word, but it IS part of an English idiom, “on the qui vive,” meaning alert, vigilant, lively attentive—but it also contains two French words. So ironically, to “Be on the qui vive for terrorists” REQUIRES help from the French--a political complication likely to be a burr under Conservative hardliners’ saddles (“I’ve got spurs that jingo jangle”).
Other words offer hints to their occult meanings as well—assassin, for example, as in "to assas" is a SIN (assas-sin). [Interestingly, Assas is a village in--you guessed it—southern FRANCE.] However, add a number, assassin-eight, and the sin is buried behind the number. Perhaps numbers do offer some safety?
Unless you’re the One being eighty-sixed.
Writer
Wednesday, July 25, 2007
The Last Lie I Told
I know this strains credulity, but it’s true—I told my last lie in 8th grade.
Not that I was (or am, for that matter) any saint. My parents maintained that the lie was a separate, punishable action from the original offense, a rule I ran afoul of multiple times (especially since age seven—not sure why that age in particular).
Mr. Lane, my 8th grade Social Studies teacher, was one of three junior high school teachers who showed us that learning was important, that the subjects were relevant, interesting, even fascinating once we started to understand them. This trio also taught us to think for ourselves, frequently giving us structured tasks or group activities, getting out of our way, letting us make our mistakes, but then coming back and addressing our shortcomings. They pushed us, worked us, gave us lower grades then we were used to earning, redirected us, sent us back to thinking and working—and we loved it. They were my favorite teachers.
So when I didn’t hand in my Social Studies report (I don’t remember how many pages were required), it wasn’t any judgment against the class or the teacher—I just was a kid who got busy doing some other kid things and didn’t get to the assigned report in time. I sat cringing as the class passed in their work, knowing I was in serious trouble. Fortunately, Mr. Lane didn’t notice I hadn’t turned in a report, so I was reprieved for the moment, but I knew it would eventually catch up with me.
And that day arrived. While the rest of the class worked on an in-class assignment, Mr. Lane came over to talk with me. My stomach churned—I knew I was in deep trouble.
“I didn’t see your report,” he started. I hung my head. “Did you turn one in?” Nervous, I nodded. “OK—I’ll look through everything here and at home and see if I can find it.” I knew he wouldn’t, of course, but at least I’d bought another reprieve.
I worried all through class each day—my brief reprieve had become a week. It couldn’t last.
Finally, almost as a relief, the Day of Reckoning arrived. Mr. Lane called me over to his desk at the end of class. Here it comes. As my classmates filed out the door, I shuffled slowly to my doom.
“I’ve looked everywhere for your paper,” began Mr. Lane. I looked at the floor. “I tore apart everything, every pile, and it’s just not there.” My shoulders slumped. Fear grew by the second, anticipating my fate. “So,” Mr. Lane continued, “I’m just going to have to assume it was an “A” paper.”
My heart jumped into my throat. I looked at him, stunned. “OK,” I answered, lamely, and followed my classmates to our next class.
I should have felt relieved, elated, joyful. I didn’t. I felt two inches tall. I didn’t even feel some cliché emotion, like “I let my favorite teacher down,” for example. Instead, I knew I’d just had an interaction with a man who was a far better person than I, and I’d failed miserably. I didn’t like it. I still don’t, years later. Mistakes are one thing, but this was another. It was the last lie I told.
Today, I know at least some of my college students wouldn’t hesitate to lie about their work, judging from the number of blatant plagiarism cases I’ve busted. In my own way, I’ve offered them a small if unpalatable way out: “May I talk to you for a minute before class, outside? Do you realize that the deadline for dropping a course is this Friday? Are you aware that students aren’t allowed to drop courses to escape plagiarism charges? Now, if someone plagiarized one of these papers I’m about to hand back, my comments about that would constitute a plagiarism charge, subject to the formal policies laid out in detail in the College Handbook. However, if such a student dropped before I was able to return the paper and make the charge, I’m not sure I could do much about it.”
I don’t know what impact this has on students long term. I don’t even know if it’s the right thing to do. I wonder if Mr. Lane simply knew I was lying.
Our culture currently seems not to even blink at dishonesty. People have so long stolen copied music that they don’t even consider the ramifications. One folk artist even did a song about it (these lyrics are to the best of my memory):
So I copied it
Gave it to all my friends
A lot them gave it to their friends too
Cause I love ya man
I’m your biggest fan…
…and so forth, with the speaker in the song ironically wondering why the band isn’t more successful, even wondering if maybe they just don’t try hard enough.
One of my colleagues, a self-styled (and continually unpublished) novelist maintains, “I wouldn’t mind if someone made copies of my novel, so why should I worry about copying music?” I think the law and at least many of the musicians might view the case differently.
My younger brother, Mr. Values, downloads copied DVDs. “Hey, they’re on the Internet,” he says. “I don’t know if they’re stolen or not!” I mentioned we could say the same about TVs sold from the back of a truck in a parking lot. Uncharacteristically, he had no retort.
Seemingly, if you can get away with it, it’s moral.
And how do you argue against that, when the Bush administration claims lying as executive privilege? The ridiculous spin on Iraq, the mind-numbing audacity of Alberto Gonzalez—these are just the obvious points with bipartisan agreement, let alone the host of other nonsense.
As a society, we’re like alcoholics—we arguably COULD stop, COULD get help—but we want to lie.
And the lack of truth shall continue to render us less and less free.
Writer
Not that I was (or am, for that matter) any saint. My parents maintained that the lie was a separate, punishable action from the original offense, a rule I ran afoul of multiple times (especially since age seven—not sure why that age in particular).
Mr. Lane, my 8th grade Social Studies teacher, was one of three junior high school teachers who showed us that learning was important, that the subjects were relevant, interesting, even fascinating once we started to understand them. This trio also taught us to think for ourselves, frequently giving us structured tasks or group activities, getting out of our way, letting us make our mistakes, but then coming back and addressing our shortcomings. They pushed us, worked us, gave us lower grades then we were used to earning, redirected us, sent us back to thinking and working—and we loved it. They were my favorite teachers.
So when I didn’t hand in my Social Studies report (I don’t remember how many pages were required), it wasn’t any judgment against the class or the teacher—I just was a kid who got busy doing some other kid things and didn’t get to the assigned report in time. I sat cringing as the class passed in their work, knowing I was in serious trouble. Fortunately, Mr. Lane didn’t notice I hadn’t turned in a report, so I was reprieved for the moment, but I knew it would eventually catch up with me.
And that day arrived. While the rest of the class worked on an in-class assignment, Mr. Lane came over to talk with me. My stomach churned—I knew I was in deep trouble.
“I didn’t see your report,” he started. I hung my head. “Did you turn one in?” Nervous, I nodded. “OK—I’ll look through everything here and at home and see if I can find it.” I knew he wouldn’t, of course, but at least I’d bought another reprieve.
I worried all through class each day—my brief reprieve had become a week. It couldn’t last.
Finally, almost as a relief, the Day of Reckoning arrived. Mr. Lane called me over to his desk at the end of class. Here it comes. As my classmates filed out the door, I shuffled slowly to my doom.
“I’ve looked everywhere for your paper,” began Mr. Lane. I looked at the floor. “I tore apart everything, every pile, and it’s just not there.” My shoulders slumped. Fear grew by the second, anticipating my fate. “So,” Mr. Lane continued, “I’m just going to have to assume it was an “A” paper.”
My heart jumped into my throat. I looked at him, stunned. “OK,” I answered, lamely, and followed my classmates to our next class.
I should have felt relieved, elated, joyful. I didn’t. I felt two inches tall. I didn’t even feel some cliché emotion, like “I let my favorite teacher down,” for example. Instead, I knew I’d just had an interaction with a man who was a far better person than I, and I’d failed miserably. I didn’t like it. I still don’t, years later. Mistakes are one thing, but this was another. It was the last lie I told.
Today, I know at least some of my college students wouldn’t hesitate to lie about their work, judging from the number of blatant plagiarism cases I’ve busted. In my own way, I’ve offered them a small if unpalatable way out: “May I talk to you for a minute before class, outside? Do you realize that the deadline for dropping a course is this Friday? Are you aware that students aren’t allowed to drop courses to escape plagiarism charges? Now, if someone plagiarized one of these papers I’m about to hand back, my comments about that would constitute a plagiarism charge, subject to the formal policies laid out in detail in the College Handbook. However, if such a student dropped before I was able to return the paper and make the charge, I’m not sure I could do much about it.”
I don’t know what impact this has on students long term. I don’t even know if it’s the right thing to do. I wonder if Mr. Lane simply knew I was lying.
Our culture currently seems not to even blink at dishonesty. People have so long stolen copied music that they don’t even consider the ramifications. One folk artist even did a song about it (these lyrics are to the best of my memory):
So I copied it
Gave it to all my friends
A lot them gave it to their friends too
Cause I love ya man
I’m your biggest fan…
…and so forth, with the speaker in the song ironically wondering why the band isn’t more successful, even wondering if maybe they just don’t try hard enough.
One of my colleagues, a self-styled (and continually unpublished) novelist maintains, “I wouldn’t mind if someone made copies of my novel, so why should I worry about copying music?” I think the law and at least many of the musicians might view the case differently.
My younger brother, Mr. Values, downloads copied DVDs. “Hey, they’re on the Internet,” he says. “I don’t know if they’re stolen or not!” I mentioned we could say the same about TVs sold from the back of a truck in a parking lot. Uncharacteristically, he had no retort.
Seemingly, if you can get away with it, it’s moral.
And how do you argue against that, when the Bush administration claims lying as executive privilege? The ridiculous spin on Iraq, the mind-numbing audacity of Alberto Gonzalez—these are just the obvious points with bipartisan agreement, let alone the host of other nonsense.
As a society, we’re like alcoholics—we arguably COULD stop, COULD get help—but we want to lie.
And the lack of truth shall continue to render us less and less free.
Writer
Monday, July 23, 2007
Jazz Fest
The annual Syracuse Jazz Fest is a bittersweet time for me. I love that I can escape for three days of free jazz performed by major acts, but I also listen missing desparately, if without regret, the full-time music career I left behind to pursue first business and then writing and teaching.
My dad and I used to make it our signature annual father/son event, as among our very different interests, we do share a love of jazz—Dad more the light commercial styles of Kenny G and Chuck Mangione, me adding to those a host of more in depth and experimental musicians, but still, a true shared passion. My love of music even comes from my not-at-all musically talented dad, as I grew up listening constantly to his ever growing record collection, a collection inspired jointly by his love of music and the constant annoyance of the tinnitus that drove him to keep music playing. A few years ago, however, when my dad remarried after my mom’s death, his new partner gradually pried him in the direction of her own interests and family. I’m at least glad he’s happy.
The “Jazz” fest has also increasingly drifted at times to more of a rock fest—also fine, but lowering my interest a notch or two (so much so that I didn’t bother braving the hour long trip, parking, or crowds for the acts advertised). Still, it’s free, and when at all feasible, I attend.
A few years back, the Jazz Fest moved from downtown—hot, crowded, sun-beaten asphalt, poor sightlines, questionable parking—to Onondaga Community College just outside the city, with lots of space, grass, breezes (it’s on a hilltop), plenty of parking, much better facilities (i.e., restrooms). I prefer it, but many people complained, preferring the city environment, particularly the proximity to clubs. In response, a separate festival arose, Jazz in the City, bringing in some excellent artists. For me, however, hot humid weather, crowds on blacktop, and performances that start as late as 10 p.m. when I’ve still got a long drive home more often than not weighs against attending. (I’ve often wondered why restaurant/bar/club owners haven’t realized a lot of music lovers would joyfully attend far more events if those performances started at 7 or 8 p.m., a much better match for most people’s schedules and lifestyles.)
The hilltop view at Jazz Fest has it’s problems. For whatever reason, for example, a number of people feel this is an optimal time for cigars. Cigarette smoke travels badly enough, but one cigar can take out dozens of people while the smoker blithely practices his rights. Reminds me of Steve Martin’s joke: “Mind if I smoke?” “Not at all—mind if I fart?”
The sound is terrible, run by people used to producing rock acts, and not well, creating a solid mass of sound with nothing distinguishable (Jazz in the City, run by professional musicians, hires more astute sound men). I run across a colleague, attending with a friend who remembers me from high school, her their significant others, and another friend with his young daughter, a child who fusses, up too late already after a long day. The friend, a sound man, gets into a discussion with me about the festival’s sound. He thinks it’s fine, but points out it will improve with the final act of the night, Bela Fleck and the Flecktones, as they bring their own engineer to run sound. I think that rather makes my point, but keep it to myself.
Our discussion morphs into the music and the audience. A Frank Zappa tribute big band takes the stage—lots of enthusiasm, lots of notes, lots of skill, but they just aren’t selling it well. I question the value, especially as a jazz musician, of performing essentially as a juke box. My “expert” friend notes that musicians need to realize that people come to concerts to “shake their ass.” I drop the subject. His daughter falls asleep on my foot. We cover her with her cloak.
Bela Fleck takes the stage, and EVERYTHING is different. The music is interesting, engaging—think Earl Scruggs meets Mahavishnu Orchestra, but with ever-evolving organic musical surprises. The sound is EXCELLENT—every instrument, every note crystal clear. No problem selling these pieces either. Top performers at the top of their form.
A young guy sits nearby, yelling on his cell phone during the show. “The fence! We’re over by the fence!” This goes on for 15 minutes. Other than that, though, I’m happy—I’m hearing what I came to hear. After the show, as fireworks start, he cries out, “My wedding ring! I lost my wedding ring!” We help look. “It’s silver!” he says. Someone finds it. I wonder just how the ring “got loose.” No wife is likely to buy that story. I don’t buy it either.
The next day I stopped by a booth for a chicken parm and some salt potatoes on the way for a spot of grass to sit. “Where did you get that sandwich?” asked a young woman in jeans and a T-shirt stretched out on the grass next to me. I explained. “Watch my purse?” she asked, and went in quest of her own sandwich. Interesting, isn’t it? We trust complete strangers to guard our stuff. She returned with her sandwich, introduced herself as Jo, and we chatted about how my girl, catherine, was temporarily stuck in Canada over immigration details.
“How did you meet?” she asked, and I gave an abridged version of our encounters on a discussion board that gradually led to emails and phone calls and finally her coming here to live with me. Jo was interested, turns out, because her own ex-boyfriend, dumped after long abuse of alcohol among other problems, left her wondering how she’d meet someone else. Cloudy skies turned to sprinkles to pouring rain, and cotton clad Jo retreated to her car for good, while I retrieve my umbrella and a blanket from mine.
The music was a repeat of the previous day—lots of notes played by skillful musicians who couldn’t sell what they were playing, further hindered by the pathetic wall-of-sound mix. And then—the final act, Dave Brubeck. “Come on up, fill these seats,” the promoter offered, indicating the rows and rows of empty chairs they always save for sponsors. “Dave Brubeck doesn’t play to empty seats.”
The wait in the cold was worth it. The sound was spectacular, and the playing was beyond masterful. Lots of notes, yes, but this time they were understated, just color, not flash. Musicians in control. Musicians whose craft is second nature. I sat in the cold, damp blanket wrapped around my wet clothes, enthralled. Worth the wait.
I had a feeling I should have stayed home the third day. I was tired, and the line up wasn’t really rock. Still, the headliner was Aretha Franklin, so I braved the trip once more.
This crowd was completely different from people the previous two days. Constant talking, people continually crowded in front of others, not a moments’ peace, just constant annoyance. Two young women, Cat and Cody, settled next to my spot, while they pretended not to notice the guy on the other side of them staring to the point of drooling. Thinking of Jo’s questions, I asked the girls their thoughts. “I’m looking around here,” I said, “and I see lots of women without rings sitting without men. Certainly any reasonable, nice, patient guy with a few guts should be able to meet women!” Cat agreed, and we shared theories, and well as my story about catherine, her stories about her boyfriend, Aaron.
Another tribute band, this time to Jaco Pastorius. Lots of talented bass players taking turns at Jaco’s role, but clearly they and the band we’re used to each other. Still, I love that music, and the bassists included Will Lee (from David Letterman’s band), so that was fun, even if most of the time I could mainly hear people describing their “expertise” about music, making jokes about the bombings in London (!), complaining about the French (?), and other enlightening discourse during the show.
Finally, Aretha Franklin. But we may as well have been in a bar. Everyone talking. People standing so that seeing the stage was difficult. And the songs—back to the juke box, along with long complaints from Aretha about the cold in particular. Come to think of it, that’s been a pattern with divas at the Jazz Fest—Nancy Wilson was the worst. Sang beautifully, bitched just as much. But I can say I’ve seen Aretha Franklin live. And seen is probably a better description than heard.
You can never tell, though. One year, back down in the city, Diana Krall had 50,000 people virtually silent, mesmerized. I particularly remember a cover of Joni Mitchell’s “A Case of You” that had me in tears. Now that show was worth some blacktop and poor parking.
Writer
My dad and I used to make it our signature annual father/son event, as among our very different interests, we do share a love of jazz—Dad more the light commercial styles of Kenny G and Chuck Mangione, me adding to those a host of more in depth and experimental musicians, but still, a true shared passion. My love of music even comes from my not-at-all musically talented dad, as I grew up listening constantly to his ever growing record collection, a collection inspired jointly by his love of music and the constant annoyance of the tinnitus that drove him to keep music playing. A few years ago, however, when my dad remarried after my mom’s death, his new partner gradually pried him in the direction of her own interests and family. I’m at least glad he’s happy.
The “Jazz” fest has also increasingly drifted at times to more of a rock fest—also fine, but lowering my interest a notch or two (so much so that I didn’t bother braving the hour long trip, parking, or crowds for the acts advertised). Still, it’s free, and when at all feasible, I attend.
A few years back, the Jazz Fest moved from downtown—hot, crowded, sun-beaten asphalt, poor sightlines, questionable parking—to Onondaga Community College just outside the city, with lots of space, grass, breezes (it’s on a hilltop), plenty of parking, much better facilities (i.e., restrooms). I prefer it, but many people complained, preferring the city environment, particularly the proximity to clubs. In response, a separate festival arose, Jazz in the City, bringing in some excellent artists. For me, however, hot humid weather, crowds on blacktop, and performances that start as late as 10 p.m. when I’ve still got a long drive home more often than not weighs against attending. (I’ve often wondered why restaurant/bar/club owners haven’t realized a lot of music lovers would joyfully attend far more events if those performances started at 7 or 8 p.m., a much better match for most people’s schedules and lifestyles.)
The hilltop view at Jazz Fest has it’s problems. For whatever reason, for example, a number of people feel this is an optimal time for cigars. Cigarette smoke travels badly enough, but one cigar can take out dozens of people while the smoker blithely practices his rights. Reminds me of Steve Martin’s joke: “Mind if I smoke?” “Not at all—mind if I fart?”
The sound is terrible, run by people used to producing rock acts, and not well, creating a solid mass of sound with nothing distinguishable (Jazz in the City, run by professional musicians, hires more astute sound men). I run across a colleague, attending with a friend who remembers me from high school, her their significant others, and another friend with his young daughter, a child who fusses, up too late already after a long day. The friend, a sound man, gets into a discussion with me about the festival’s sound. He thinks it’s fine, but points out it will improve with the final act of the night, Bela Fleck and the Flecktones, as they bring their own engineer to run sound. I think that rather makes my point, but keep it to myself.
Our discussion morphs into the music and the audience. A Frank Zappa tribute big band takes the stage—lots of enthusiasm, lots of notes, lots of skill, but they just aren’t selling it well. I question the value, especially as a jazz musician, of performing essentially as a juke box. My “expert” friend notes that musicians need to realize that people come to concerts to “shake their ass.” I drop the subject. His daughter falls asleep on my foot. We cover her with her cloak.
Bela Fleck takes the stage, and EVERYTHING is different. The music is interesting, engaging—think Earl Scruggs meets Mahavishnu Orchestra, but with ever-evolving organic musical surprises. The sound is EXCELLENT—every instrument, every note crystal clear. No problem selling these pieces either. Top performers at the top of their form.
A young guy sits nearby, yelling on his cell phone during the show. “The fence! We’re over by the fence!” This goes on for 15 minutes. Other than that, though, I’m happy—I’m hearing what I came to hear. After the show, as fireworks start, he cries out, “My wedding ring! I lost my wedding ring!” We help look. “It’s silver!” he says. Someone finds it. I wonder just how the ring “got loose.” No wife is likely to buy that story. I don’t buy it either.
The next day I stopped by a booth for a chicken parm and some salt potatoes on the way for a spot of grass to sit. “Where did you get that sandwich?” asked a young woman in jeans and a T-shirt stretched out on the grass next to me. I explained. “Watch my purse?” she asked, and went in quest of her own sandwich. Interesting, isn’t it? We trust complete strangers to guard our stuff. She returned with her sandwich, introduced herself as Jo, and we chatted about how my girl, catherine, was temporarily stuck in Canada over immigration details.
“How did you meet?” she asked, and I gave an abridged version of our encounters on a discussion board that gradually led to emails and phone calls and finally her coming here to live with me. Jo was interested, turns out, because her own ex-boyfriend, dumped after long abuse of alcohol among other problems, left her wondering how she’d meet someone else. Cloudy skies turned to sprinkles to pouring rain, and cotton clad Jo retreated to her car for good, while I retrieve my umbrella and a blanket from mine.
The music was a repeat of the previous day—lots of notes played by skillful musicians who couldn’t sell what they were playing, further hindered by the pathetic wall-of-sound mix. And then—the final act, Dave Brubeck. “Come on up, fill these seats,” the promoter offered, indicating the rows and rows of empty chairs they always save for sponsors. “Dave Brubeck doesn’t play to empty seats.”
The wait in the cold was worth it. The sound was spectacular, and the playing was beyond masterful. Lots of notes, yes, but this time they were understated, just color, not flash. Musicians in control. Musicians whose craft is second nature. I sat in the cold, damp blanket wrapped around my wet clothes, enthralled. Worth the wait.
I had a feeling I should have stayed home the third day. I was tired, and the line up wasn’t really rock. Still, the headliner was Aretha Franklin, so I braved the trip once more.
This crowd was completely different from people the previous two days. Constant talking, people continually crowded in front of others, not a moments’ peace, just constant annoyance. Two young women, Cat and Cody, settled next to my spot, while they pretended not to notice the guy on the other side of them staring to the point of drooling. Thinking of Jo’s questions, I asked the girls their thoughts. “I’m looking around here,” I said, “and I see lots of women without rings sitting without men. Certainly any reasonable, nice, patient guy with a few guts should be able to meet women!” Cat agreed, and we shared theories, and well as my story about catherine, her stories about her boyfriend, Aaron.
Another tribute band, this time to Jaco Pastorius. Lots of talented bass players taking turns at Jaco’s role, but clearly they and the band we’re used to each other. Still, I love that music, and the bassists included Will Lee (from David Letterman’s band), so that was fun, even if most of the time I could mainly hear people describing their “expertise” about music, making jokes about the bombings in London (!), complaining about the French (?), and other enlightening discourse during the show.
Finally, Aretha Franklin. But we may as well have been in a bar. Everyone talking. People standing so that seeing the stage was difficult. And the songs—back to the juke box, along with long complaints from Aretha about the cold in particular. Come to think of it, that’s been a pattern with divas at the Jazz Fest—Nancy Wilson was the worst. Sang beautifully, bitched just as much. But I can say I’ve seen Aretha Franklin live. And seen is probably a better description than heard.
You can never tell, though. One year, back down in the city, Diana Krall had 50,000 people virtually silent, mesmerized. I particularly remember a cover of Joni Mitchell’s “A Case of You” that had me in tears. Now that show was worth some blacktop and poor parking.
Writer
Thursday, July 19, 2007
Lies Your Writing Teacher Told You
When teaching young children, understandably teachers might well choose to simplify concepts. That’s fine. However, simplifications are also distortions, even to the point of error, and if those children never grow past those temporary, instructionally helpful constructs, what’s left is misinformation. Such is often the case in college students and adult writers, still using techniques that are, well, wrong—in sentences, in paragraphs, and in compositions overall.
The most glaring of these is the universal comma rule: put a comma where you want a pause. Um, no. Commas aren’t moods—they show structure. Moving commas around carelessly changes the sentence structure.
Consider this sentence: Swords flashing, our heroes dashed into action. A tale of epic adventure—very different from: Swords, flashing our heroes, dashed into action—a tale of erotic surrealism.
How about these two: People, who frequently attend these auctions, spend a lot of money, vs. People who frequently attend these auctions spend a lot of money. Both sentences are correct, but their meaning differs significantly, particularly if you’ve an economic interest in those auctions. The first sentence promises that all comers at these well-attended events will be dumping cash, while the second restricts the big spenders to only the few folks who frequent the auction circuit.
Even more astounding is the oft repeated assertion that grammar isn’t important, that students will just learn eventually by doing. This is as ridiculous as “Prof.” Harold Hill in “The Music Man” promoting his “think” system for learning music. Further, what are employers going to do with those cover letters and resumes full of grammatical errors? And bosses? Clients? Fair or not, such grammar-challenged people will be judged as less intelligent and less competent. It IS 7th grade English, after all.
Now to “de-mythify” the paragraph: “a paragraph is a group of 5-8 sentences.” What, like a street gang hangin’ on the corner? Just time for a line break? What happened to a unit of developed thought? How about a topic sentence—and development leading to a meaningful conclusion. You know—content!
But two commonly promoted points completely baffle me. The first purports to connect paragraphs by abruptly changing the subject in the last sentence of a paragraph to the topic of the next paragraph—then reiterating the point in the first sentence of that next paragraph. Good grief. This is duct tape, not coherence, combining rambling off topic with redundancy. What happened to a logical progression of ideas? Yet student after student maintains someone taught this “technique.”
The second is a legitimate technique run amok, the “funnel” technique—start with a general statement, narrow it, narrow it further, and so forth, then lead back to some general observation. Yeah, granted, the specific details should come after the initial claims, but instead, students write almost bizarrely vague sentences, eventually find a hint of a point, then back off into vague obscurity, thus taking a paragraph to make a point that could have been made in one poor sentence:
--There are many great writers, some living, some in history. Many of these writers have come from America. Several of these writers became famous in the twentieth century. While many women were among this group, many men were also recognized as good writers. One of these men was Ernest Hemingway. He wrote a lot. Some of this writing was journalism, others were not. Those that were not including novels and short stories. His short stories are excellent. One of these excellent short stories is “Hills Like White Elephants.” In this short story, Hemingway shows many of the elements that made him a famous writer in America in the twentieth century. Symbolism is one of the elements that he used, and he does an excellent job of using it. Symbolism can be defined as something that represents something else. Hemingway uses a lot of symbols in his short story “Hills Like White Elephants.”
That paragraph may be an exaggeration, but not by much.
Worse, students then apply this technique to the entire essay. Sometimes, even in the middle of page two, I still can’t find a thesis—or even tell what poem or story or play the paper addresses, let alone what points it might make. “But that’s what you’re supposed to do!” students protest, ready to defend such work vigorously. “It draws the reader in!” Draws the reader in? Who would still be reading? Could you imagine, for example, picking up Sports Illustrated and reading:
--There are many sports in the world today. Some of these sports are played individually, while other sports are team sports. Different countries tend to prefer some sports over other sports. Soccer is one sport popular in many countries. Americans like football. Other Americans like baseball, while some like basketball. Many people like more than one sport. Soccer is called football in other countries. Some Americans like soccer, though.
Are you “drawn in?” Would you keep reading in case it gets better?
And the poor readers who struggle through such essays all the way to the conclusion meet yet another silly but commonly practiced point—the “conclusion”:
--In conclusion, here I write a meaningless paragraph that does nothing except repeat the thesis you’ve already read and repeated the vague points I’ve already stated, thus making no final point whatsoever, concluding absolutely nothing, indicating the entire essay has no purpose beyond reaching a word count or minimum number of pages.
And again, students insist they’ve been taught to do this. So much time is spent swimming upstream against all this misinformation from the past, with little time left for emphasis, economy, style, effective argument and much more. After all, why should students bother with all that? They’ve earned top grades for years babbling along as such, believing they are therefore “creative.”
Unfortunately, I have heard a number of teachers maintain that writing is an art, and therefore it can’t really be taught. Some people just have a gift, and some people just aren’t good writers.
Any writing teacher who believes that has no business teaching writing. Let writers do it.
After all, why? If it’s all just a scam, lots of scams pay far better than teaching writing.
Writer
The most glaring of these is the universal comma rule: put a comma where you want a pause. Um, no. Commas aren’t moods—they show structure. Moving commas around carelessly changes the sentence structure.
Consider this sentence: Swords flashing, our heroes dashed into action. A tale of epic adventure—very different from: Swords, flashing our heroes, dashed into action—a tale of erotic surrealism.
How about these two: People, who frequently attend these auctions, spend a lot of money, vs. People who frequently attend these auctions spend a lot of money. Both sentences are correct, but their meaning differs significantly, particularly if you’ve an economic interest in those auctions. The first sentence promises that all comers at these well-attended events will be dumping cash, while the second restricts the big spenders to only the few folks who frequent the auction circuit.
Even more astounding is the oft repeated assertion that grammar isn’t important, that students will just learn eventually by doing. This is as ridiculous as “Prof.” Harold Hill in “The Music Man” promoting his “think” system for learning music. Further, what are employers going to do with those cover letters and resumes full of grammatical errors? And bosses? Clients? Fair or not, such grammar-challenged people will be judged as less intelligent and less competent. It IS 7th grade English, after all.
Now to “de-mythify” the paragraph: “a paragraph is a group of 5-8 sentences.” What, like a street gang hangin’ on the corner? Just time for a line break? What happened to a unit of developed thought? How about a topic sentence—and development leading to a meaningful conclusion. You know—content!
But two commonly promoted points completely baffle me. The first purports to connect paragraphs by abruptly changing the subject in the last sentence of a paragraph to the topic of the next paragraph—then reiterating the point in the first sentence of that next paragraph. Good grief. This is duct tape, not coherence, combining rambling off topic with redundancy. What happened to a logical progression of ideas? Yet student after student maintains someone taught this “technique.”
The second is a legitimate technique run amok, the “funnel” technique—start with a general statement, narrow it, narrow it further, and so forth, then lead back to some general observation. Yeah, granted, the specific details should come after the initial claims, but instead, students write almost bizarrely vague sentences, eventually find a hint of a point, then back off into vague obscurity, thus taking a paragraph to make a point that could have been made in one poor sentence:
--There are many great writers, some living, some in history. Many of these writers have come from America. Several of these writers became famous in the twentieth century. While many women were among this group, many men were also recognized as good writers. One of these men was Ernest Hemingway. He wrote a lot. Some of this writing was journalism, others were not. Those that were not including novels and short stories. His short stories are excellent. One of these excellent short stories is “Hills Like White Elephants.” In this short story, Hemingway shows many of the elements that made him a famous writer in America in the twentieth century. Symbolism is one of the elements that he used, and he does an excellent job of using it. Symbolism can be defined as something that represents something else. Hemingway uses a lot of symbols in his short story “Hills Like White Elephants.”
That paragraph may be an exaggeration, but not by much.
Worse, students then apply this technique to the entire essay. Sometimes, even in the middle of page two, I still can’t find a thesis—or even tell what poem or story or play the paper addresses, let alone what points it might make. “But that’s what you’re supposed to do!” students protest, ready to defend such work vigorously. “It draws the reader in!” Draws the reader in? Who would still be reading? Could you imagine, for example, picking up Sports Illustrated and reading:
--There are many sports in the world today. Some of these sports are played individually, while other sports are team sports. Different countries tend to prefer some sports over other sports. Soccer is one sport popular in many countries. Americans like football. Other Americans like baseball, while some like basketball. Many people like more than one sport. Soccer is called football in other countries. Some Americans like soccer, though.
Are you “drawn in?” Would you keep reading in case it gets better?
And the poor readers who struggle through such essays all the way to the conclusion meet yet another silly but commonly practiced point—the “conclusion”:
--In conclusion, here I write a meaningless paragraph that does nothing except repeat the thesis you’ve already read and repeated the vague points I’ve already stated, thus making no final point whatsoever, concluding absolutely nothing, indicating the entire essay has no purpose beyond reaching a word count or minimum number of pages.
And again, students insist they’ve been taught to do this. So much time is spent swimming upstream against all this misinformation from the past, with little time left for emphasis, economy, style, effective argument and much more. After all, why should students bother with all that? They’ve earned top grades for years babbling along as such, believing they are therefore “creative.”
Unfortunately, I have heard a number of teachers maintain that writing is an art, and therefore it can’t really be taught. Some people just have a gift, and some people just aren’t good writers.
Any writing teacher who believes that has no business teaching writing. Let writers do it.
After all, why? If it’s all just a scam, lots of scams pay far better than teaching writing.
Writer
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